Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Never underestimate the power of titties
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
