you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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