I wish my penis had an off switch
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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