my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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