yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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