He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
