Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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