My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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