I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Randomize
