ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
