So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
