matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
