Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
