My hand turned me down
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
