She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
