i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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