i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
