I love black thongs
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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