i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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