Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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