Nicole vs. Life
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they're like a gay fantastic four
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
