Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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