If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
