my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
