After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
