No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
