her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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