apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
