I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
