I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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