That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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