It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
