i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
