I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
