dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you didnt know i had herpes?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
