3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
