Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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