so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
