The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
