i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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