I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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