I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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