Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
