fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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