smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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