Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
