just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
