If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I smell stomach acid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
