Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
