haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
