So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's shark week go big or go home
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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