The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
