The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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