I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
