I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
